Men Are Such Cavemen (…and Somehow We Still Love Them)
I love this man.
Let’s just start there before anyone comes for me.
I love him enough to:
help restore his 1939 Plymouth like I’m auditioning for a vintage car show
spend hours painting tiny red details no one but him will even notice
hunt down parts like it’s a full-time job
and casually fund things like… oh I don’t know… the radio for said car
Meanwhile, I’m also:
planning an entire Gatsby-themed wedding
making handmade decorations
coordinating everything
and yes… paying for most of that too
Because that’s who I am. I love hard. I show up. I do things.
And then… the caveman appears.
Picture this:
It’s cold yesterday → I don’t paint.
Today → I do paint. A lot.
I take a break.
A completely normal, human, reasonable break.
And what happens?
This man goes:
“Hmm. She paused. Clearly this project is abandoned forever.”
Proceeds to (talk under his breath) go find the paint… and start doing it himself.
Excuse me????
This was a gift, not an obligation—and he was treating it like a delayed service request.
What actually happened (under the surface)
Me: “I’m doing this because I love you.”
Him (in that moment): “Why isn’t this getting done faster?”
That disconnect = 🔥
And then:
He crossed a boundary (painting when we agreed it was my project)
Got defensive instead of appreciative
Turned it into criticism of how I was spending my time
Sir. This was a gift. Not a service contract.
Let me explain something I feel like women everywhere already know:
When we do something for you out of love?
It’s not:
assigned
expected
or on a deadline
The SECOND it feels like:
“Why isn’t this done yet?”
We are spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes physically… done.
The Argument (aka Caveman Logic™)
Me: “Why are you painting that? We agreed this was my project.”
Him: gets defensive
Also him: “You’re working on wedding stuff and that’s not until November.”
Ah yes.
Because apparently:
multitasking = illegal
future planning = suspicious
and taking a break = betrayal
Make it make sense.
What It Actually Felt Like
Not “he painted the headlights.”
It felt like:
what I’m doing is expected, not appreciated
my time doesn’t count
and the second I don’t perform on cue… he’ll just take over
And THAT is the part that hits.
Because I don’t have to do any of this.
I do it because I love him.
So I said “This isn’t about the headlights. I’m doing this whole car because I love you, not because I have to. When you grabbed the paint and got mad, it made me feel like you expect it instead of appreciate it. That kills the whole point.”
The Boundary
“If it’s going to feel like pressure or criticism, I’m not doing the car anymore.”
Not as a threat—just reality.
The Aftermath
He probably wasn’t thinking this deeply.
In the moment, he was likely impatient, excited about the car and handled it like a caveman
…but impact > intent.
To his credit—he’s been apologizing.
And I hear him.
But here’s the thing people don’t always get:
An apology fixes the moment.
It doesn’t instantly fix the feeling of being unappreciated.
That takes a minute.
My Philosophy (aka: Don’t Ruin a Good Thing)
If someone is:
showing up for you
doing things they don’t have to do
putting in time, effort, and money
Your ONLY job is:
Appreciate the hell out of it.
Not manage it. Not rush it.
Not critique it.
Just… don’t ruin it.
Final Thoughts
Men are such cavemen sometimes.
Not malicious.
Not evil.
Just… operating on a completely different, slightly baffling frequency.
But also?
They usually learn.
And if they’re smart…
they realize real fast they should be treating the woman painting their 1939 car like an absolute queen 👑
And maybe…
I’ll probably finish painting it.
But now he knows:
I’m doing it because I want to.
Not because I have to.
And that distinction?
Everything.
photos below- I made him a cute logo for his car he affectionately named “Lucille”. so I edited it…let’s see if he notices 🤷♀️ (update: he noticed as soon as he opened the fridge door)
