The Stepmom Double Standard (a.k.a. “Know Your Place” 🙄)
Ah yes.
The classic refrain:
“You’re not the mother.”
“Know your place.”
“You’re not allowed to parent.”
Cool cool cool.
Except… let’s talk about what that actually looks like in real life.
Because somehow, stepmoms are expected to:
Show up
Pay bills
Keep routines running
Do school drop-offs
Enforce homework
Cook dinners
Manage emotions
Hold the chaos together
…but not:
Attend teacher conferences
Sit in court
Have opinions
Set boundaries
Or — god forbid — have a say
Pick a lane.
The Invisible Line That Keeps Moving
One minute it’s:
“You have a two-income household.”
The next minute it’s:
“WHY is she in court listening to the child support hearing?!”
Ma’am.
Which is it?
Am I a financial contributor or a decorative houseplant?
Because you don’t get to count my income and pretend my presence is inappropriate in the same breath.
That’s not how reality works.
“You’re Not the Mother” — Except When It’s Convenient
Let’s get something straight.
My fiancé has sole legal custody.
The kids live with us FULL-TIME.
Not weekends. Not summers. Full-time.
And when their biological mother was missing for a year and a half, choosing drugs over parenting?
Guess who was there.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Holding structure.
Creating routines.
Showing up consistently when chaos was the norm.
But now that she’s back?
Suddenly I’m:
Overstepping
Threatening
“Not my place”
Funny how that works.
Why Narcissists Hate Stepmoms Like Me
Let’s be honest.
This isn’t about boundaries.
It’s about control.
A narcissistic parent doesn’t fear a stepmom because she’s mean.
She fears her because she’s:
Stable
Consistent
Present
Predictable
Safe
And worst of all?
She doesn’t need chaos to function (and she sees right through the HCBM’s TRANSPARENT facade).
That’s threatening.
If It Affects My Life, I Get a Say. End of Story.
Here’s my unpopular opinion (actually, it shouldn’t be):
If it affects:
My household
My time
My finances
My peace
My daily reality
Then I get a say.
That includes:
Chores
Routines
Schoolwork
Expectations
Household rules
I am not a guest in my own home.
I am not a babysitter with opinions.
I am not background noise.
Stepmoms Aren’t Asking for Control — We’re Asking for Reality
We don’t want to replace anyone.
We don’t want medals.
We don’t want sainthood.
We want:
Consistency
Respect
Acknowledgment
And authority that matches the responsibility we carry
Because being told:
“You’re not the mother”
while being expected to do everything a mother does?
That’s not boundaries.
That’s exploitation.
Final Thought (Say It Louder for the Back Row)
You don’t get to:
Count my income
Depend on my labor
Expect my emotional bandwidth
Rely on my consistency
…and then act shocked when I participate in decisions that affect my life.
I’m not overstepping.
I’m standing where I already live.
End of story. 💥🎤(drop)
