Toxic or Coachable? That’s the Question
Let’s be honest: not every “difficult” person is toxic. Some are just…well, a little rough around the edges. They’ve been doing things the same way forever, or they just need someone to hold up the mirror. Those folks? They’re coachable.
The toxic ones? Oh honey, whole different category.
Coachable looks like:
They push back (sometimes loudly), but they’ll reflect and come back better.
They actually want to improve, even if they grumble the whole way.
Feedback stings, but they don’t weaponize it.
You start to see small changes—listening more, collaborating, fewer eye-rolls in meetings.
Toxic looks like:
Feedback? Cue defensiveness level 100. Every. Single. Time.
Blame is their favorite sport. Spoiler: it’s never their fault.
They drain the energy out of every room. You feel 10 years older after one meeting.
No matter how many convos, coaching sessions, or HR escalations—you get the same behavior on repeat.
The difference is huge. Coachable people can frustrate you, yes—but they’ll grow. Toxic people? They’ll sink a team, a project, and eventually a culture.
And as PMO leaders, we’re not just managing timelines and budgets. We’re managing humans. Knowing who’s worth investing coaching energy into—and who’s just toxic to the core—saves teams, trust, and a whole lot of turnover.
Because projects can survive mistakes. But no project survives unchecked toxicity.
So What Do You Do? Actions to Take
Because spotting the difference is only half the battle. Here’s how I handle each:
If they’re coachable:
Invest in them. Schedule real feedback conversations, not drive-bys.
Set clear expectations. “Here’s where we’re heading, here’s what I need from you.”
Give them tools. Training, mentorship, shadowing—whatever helps them close the gap.
Check for progress. Small wins matter. Celebrate them, even if it’s just “hey, thanks for pausing before jumping in today.”
Be patient—but not forever. Improvement doesn’t have to be instant, but it does have to be visible.
If they’re toxic:
Document, document, document. Toxic people are Olympic-level blame shifters. Receipts are your shield.
Don’t play therapist. You’re not there to unpack their childhood trauma. You’re there to protect the team.
Limit their blast radius. Structure meetings, roles, and comms to reduce the damage they can do.
Escalate early. HR, leadership, whoever needs to know—loop them in before it turns into a dumpster fire.
Be ready to cut ties. Sometimes the bravest leadership move is saying, “This isn’t working.”
At the end of the day, coachable folks will make you tired, but in a “good workout” kind of way. Toxic folks? They’ll make you tired in a “my soul hurts” kind of way. One is worth the effort. The other is worth the exit.
